'Sharing my grief on TikTok gives my life purpose'

When Kelsey Mulcahy first started sharing her grief online, she was creating the content she wished had existed for her.

Her fiancé, Joseph Day, died in Bristol four years ago. The couple had moved from New Zealand just months before Joseph went missing in Clifton. His body was recovered from the Avon Gorge on 3 May 2022.

In the years that followed, Mulcahy, 33, documented the reality of her grief on TikTok and Instagram – the heartbreak, the trauma, the healing.

Today, she is part of a growing grief-luencer community who help each other navigate bereavement.

• If you or someone you know has been affected by the details raised in this story, advice on where to find help and support can be found at BBC Action Line.

Mulcahy, who has now lives close to Melbourne in Australia, said she had been away in London over the weekend that Joseph went missing.

"I left the house the day before, kissed him goodbye, and then I never saw him again," she said.

Having only recently moved to Bristol, thousands of miles from family and friends on the other side of the world, she described feeling "extremely alone" coming to terms with his death.

"I found the circumstances of Joseph's death quite challenging because I was alone overseas, so I didn't really have anybody," she said.

"I felt like I really struggled to connect to my grief for a long time, because I don't think I ever really believed he was actually gone."

Mulcahy began posting videos on TikTok in 2023, sharing special things she had done to keep Joseph's memory alive.

Her videos on things not to say to a person who is grieving and recommendations of books to read on grief and loss were viewed by hundreds of thousands of people.

At the beginning of 2026, Mulcahy documented returning to Bristol to confront her grief "head on".

"Bristol for me was sort of like a final step," she said.

"It was almost like me allowing myself to have this final sort of bow on it."

She said the response from followers was overwhelming.

"I got a lot of messages and a lot of comments and stuff afterwards of people saying I actually want to do this now. I want to go stand in that spot," she said.

"I want to go back to where my person died."

Mulcahy said documenting her journey online has helped her to challenge one of the biggest myths about grief: that moving forward means loving someone less.

"I think people can sometimes think online, or in person, that your grief equates to how much you love somebody," she said.

"I have never loved Joseph more than I love him right now. And yet I live such a happy life."

She said documenting her grief on TikTok has "given her purpose" and is a "continuum of my love for him".

"When you're a 'grief-luencer', whatever it is, it's not like a standard content creator where you're making money from it.

"My grief journey, it's literally just been a way for me to show up in my life with purpose. Do it for the version of myself that didn't have that.

"My community and the way that they message me and share their stories and they tell me how much it's impacted them, that gives me so much meaning and purpose, which has made my grief so much easier to carry," she said.

Karen Sutton, a widow coach from Gloucester, said social media is helping to bring conversations about grief into the open.

"I think social media is opening up conversations that previous generations often kept behind closed doors," she said.

"It's helping normalise grief and reminding people that there isn't one 'right' way to experience it."

She said platforms such as TikTok can help people "find community" and "reduce feelings of isolation", but warned against relying solely on online support.

"My advice would be to see it as one part of your support network, not your whole support network," she said.

"Alongside the online connections, make sure you have opportunities for real human connection too."

Mulcahy said sharing her story is ultimately about reaching the person she once was: a young woman facing unimaginable loss and unsure how she would survive it.

"I would just say to her, 'you're going do a really good job'," she said.

"We often question our strength and our capableness.

"Actually, humans are so resilient."

Follow BBC Bristol on Facebook, X and Instagram. Send your story ideas to us on email or via WhatsApp on 0800 313 4630.